Gone, but Not Forgotten

These pictures were taken at our daughter's wedding on November 20, 1992.

On the left is my mother (Barbara Jean), and on the right is my mother-in-law (Laura May).

My mother died on December 7, 2003, and my other mother (Larry's mom) died just a couple of months later (February 19, 2004).

I have wonderful memories of both of them, and long to visit with them. Someday I will see them again in Heaven. But, for now, I'll just ask God to let them know how much I love them and miss them . Oh, and one more thing, dear Lord, would you also tell them, "Happy Mother's Day" for me? Thanks!

In sorting through the mess on my desk one day, I made a great "find"--a copy of a poem that my mom wrote when she was a young girl. It was also published in her church bulletin way back when . . . . . . .

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MY TASK

To trust forever in God's tender care;
To cling to hope always and everywhere;
To live the life of love--to get and share;
And do the kindly deed;
This is my task.

To build a character both pure and strong;
To bravely stand for right, resist the wrong;
To climb the mountain path and sing faith's song;
And go where He may lead;
This is my task.

To give myself with all my powers to God;
To live the life that's lofty, deep and broad;
To walk with courage steadfast, heaven's road;
And listen for His voice;
This is my task.

To seek God's perfect will to do and know;
To wiser, kinder, better, nobler grow;
To error drive away, truth's beauty show;
And to ever rejoice;
This is my task.

Written by Barbara Jean Deane
(Daughter of Rev. Forest William Deane)

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When I found this poem, I added it into my own book of poetry (poems that I have written). I wrote the following letter to my mom, attached it to the poem she wrote, and then presented her with a duplicate of my book of poetry.

Mom, do you have any idea what it did for me to find this? I vaguely remember seeing this once before, but can't remember when or how it came to be in my possession. I'm sure you must have given it to me on one of my trips to Montana.

Writing poetry has become a very enjoyable hobby in my life, and now I know this is another special thing you and I have in common. This is very well written! (I counted the beats of each line.) What a wonderful blessing in my life to find this poem written by you (and what a great reward for tackling the mess on my desk)!

It's a funny coincidence that I found this poem during the tackling of "my task" (one which had become a nightmare for me). It's also interesting to me that your poem is entitled "My Task" because that is also the name of a song that I have always liked a lot.

Mom, thanks for sharing your poetry with me. A week or two ago, I had the thought that I should send my poems to you. Now, after finding your poem, I realize, even more, that you might enjoy knowing that your daughter also writes poetry. So here they are--I hope you enjoy reading them. I have also set some of them to music (one more reason why I would love to have a piano, which we have begun looking for).

Love, Jeannie

My Other Mother

This family picture was taken on Mother's Day in 2003. Little did we know then -- it would be the last time we would celebrate Mother's Day with Larry's mom, and our last family picture taken with with my other mother.

Today, as Mother's Day approaches, I can't help but think about my two moms. Neither of them walk this earth anymore, but they are alive and well in a better place. (For the child of God -- "Absent from the body is present with the Lord." ) Tomorrow I will post a poem that my mom wrote when she was very young (about 13 or 14). Today I am posting a poem that I wrote about my other mom.

This poem is really the story of my relationship with my mother-in-law, from start to finish. I wrote it just a few years ago when she was nearing the end of her life. As you read it, please-please-please keep in mind that it was not written to "bad-mouth" her, but rather to show the wonderful work of God! God did a miracle of love and grace in my heart, and brought about a miraculous change in her as she responded to His work in both of us. So, although this poem is very long and very negative at first, please keep reading to see the end result in His miracle of love and grace.
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“My Other Mom”

I called her Mom because of her son;
She gave him life and I gave him fun.
After we married it became clear,
Mom wanted to keep her son so dear.
She didn’t bring me into her life;
I was not daughter — just Larry’s wife;

I tried hard to please, thinking that she,
as time went by, would learn to love me.
I played the role of daughter-in-law,
but over time I eventually saw:
No matter how hard I tried to please,
she made no attempt to put me at ease.

Two babies were born — she adored one;
Mom loved our daughter, but not our son.
Why she chose Sherry was plain to see:
Sherry looked like them — Jim looked like me.
(Or was it because she was first-born?)
As Jim was ignored, my heart was torn.

One day it happened — Larry’s dad died;
Left all alone—she stuck by our side.
Dependent on us for everything,
her cares and complaints to us she’d bring.
We must meet her needs and help her live;
but unasked advice was all she would give.

Our children grew up — Mom stayed the same;
Sherry has her love — Jim has her name.
Though childhood is gone, it’s still so clear:
Grandma prefers her granddaughter dear.
Jim tried to care — his love used to show,
but he lost interest a long time ago.

I also tried to give lots of care,
to show her the heart I longed to share.
I called her my mom and tried to be
a daughter to her, so she would see
how much I longed to be in her life.
“Call me Jeannie--not just Larry’s wife!”

Things only got worse as years rolled by;
then came the day that she said goodbye.
“I’ll go back home to Tennessee,
because I love them and they love me.”
You’re too busy — I’m just in your way;
I’m not wanted here, so I’ll not stay.

Age took its toll and it became clear:
the time had now come to move her here.
I made the choice to love her again,
regardless of how the past had been.
She didn’t love me, but I loved her,
God filled me with grace and that’s for sure!

To show her my love I poured out care;
I trimmed her nails and prettied her hair.
Week after week I gave her my time;
she offered to pay — I took not a dime.
Again and again she heard me say,
“I do it for love and not for pay.”

At last it happened — my reward came;
She opened her heart and spoke my name:
“Jeannie, because you’ve been so kind,
I’d like you to have something of mine.
Whatever you want--I’ll give it to you,
to show my thanks for all that you do.”

My heart was touched to see her soften;
and sense her warmth I’d longed for so often.
Now, at long last she's accepted me;
the love in her heart is plain to see.
Not for her stuff did I really care;
it was her love I wanted to share.

Three years have gone by since she came here;
and I have seen there’s nothing to fear.
God’s love conquered all — kindness won out.
Giving myself is what it’s all about!
Time heals all wounds — my heart is at rest;
in caring for her I have been blessed.

I’m happy to know, as her life ends,
that now it’s me on whom she depends.
I call her my mom because now I see,
that I am to her what she is to me:
a daughter, a friend, a companion true,
someone devoted who cares for you.

I first called her Mom because of her son;
but now I know, as her days are done,
that I call her Mom because I see:
I really love her and she really loves me!
It took thirty years to knit this bond;
now I’m her daughter and she’s my mom.

No Greater Friend

God the Father loved the people of this world so much that He gave His one and only Son Jesus to come to earth and die for us, so that whoever believes in Jesus as the Son of God, will not end up in hell, but will have everlasting life (in heaven). God didn't send His Son Jesus into this world to condemn people, but to save us from eternal punishment.

The good news is this: There is no judgment or punishment awaiting those who have put their trust in Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

The bad news is: Those who refuse to believe in Jesus and put their trust in Him as their Lord and Savior are already condemned!

However, the good news is: God is still waiting for those who have rejected Him, to change their mind and come to Him. He is full of grace and mercy for anyone who will accept His Son Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior--the One who took the punishment for their sin.

He gives us a free will to make our own choice--to believe or not to believe; to accept Him or to reject Him; to spend eternity in heaven or in hell. He doesn't want anyone to end up in hell, but wants everyone to be with Him in heaven for all of eternity.

Not one tiny bit of sin will be allowed to enter heaven. So, how could even the best person who ever lived get into heaven? (For there is no human being who has never sinned.) God offers the free gift of forgivenness for all that we have ever done wrong, and He longs for everyone to come to Him to receive His free gift of forgiveness. That is our ticket to heaven! But, receiving that ticket to heaven requires a simple choice that each person must make: belief and trust in Jesus Christ as the Son of God!

I firmly believe that there is a day coming very soon that it will be too late to accept God's offer of forgiveness. The problem is, we don't know the date of expiration on this free gift. Today is the day to make that choice. Tomorrow may be too late.

Reading this, you may be thinking, "Jeannie, I already know all this stuff, and I have already accepted Jesus into my life. Why did you write all this out, when perhaps most of your blog readers are Believers? Well, lately God has been laying it on my heart to be His witness to those who haven't yet heard or haven't yet made this choice to believe in Him and accept Him. I'm asking Him to use me as His messenger, to spread this information before it's too late. I'm looking for every possible opportunity to share this good news with others. Will you join me in this endeavor?

Out For a Walk

This view is part of my usual walk routine. First, I do a loop around my neighborhood, and then I do three laps around our neighborhood oval track. When I get to the oval track, my "prayer walk" begins. It's only about a quarter or a third of a mile around it, so I cover it quickly.
Three laps seems just about right for a "walk with God". As He brings specific people to my mind, I focus in on their needs and talk to God about them.
Today as I was walking the oval track, I noticed a little black trash bag, knotted, and left sitting in some bushes. It wasn't until I walked a little further and saw the sign, that I realized what that little black bag was.

Our neighborhood association provides "poop-pickup bags" for the convenience of dog-walkers, since the oval track is in a little park area which is governed by the City "Parks and Recreation Department".

Evidently, someone chose to use one of those little bags to pick up after his/her dog--how considerate!

However . . .
He/she then disposed of the refuse in the bushes along the way. Why carry it all the way home, or even to the trash can provided near the track, when you can just dump it on a nearby bush!

Why do people feel free to litter?
Why even bother to scoop up after a pet, if only to toss it back down, now wrapped in a plastic bag? Does this make one feel good about cleaning up?

Or, is it that someone was watching when the pet pooped, so the pet owner felt compelled to do the right thing at that moment, but then felt free to be inconsiderate of others when no one was watching?

Interesting Date

05-06-07

Expanding on that, today, for just two moments in time, we experienced 05-06-07-08-09, (month, day, year, hour, second) . . . . . . . . . . . .
NEVER, EVER, TO HAPPEN AGAIN! Cool!

Just think: Today made history! What did you do on this historic day? Maybe we should think of every day as historic and special. I wonder if we would look at our time here on earth differently, if we considered every day a special day, and every moment to count for eternity.

On the one hand, it all sounds so philosophically right and good. On the other hand, it's way too exhausting to imagine! However, it's worth thinking about, to at least count the days as worthy of our deep consideration. Are we using them in ways that really matter, or squandering them in ways that are totally unimportant and useless for anyone's really valuable benefit? Would it be reasonable to expect that we should do something every day that counts for eternity? Yes! I believe that's a reasonable use of the life God has given us.

Hmmmm . . . makes me stop and think about how I spend my time and my days. Maybe it would be interesting to journal it--to keep a daily written record of at least one thing that was an act of kindness to someone else.

First Baby

My husband spotted it first and called me to come and see. This little baby robin was sitting right at the edge of our patio, just outside Larry's office window. Daddy was not far away, busy finding worms to feed his baby. Larry actually saw the feeding in process, but, alas, I missed out on that part. The little one sat perfectly still, just waiting patiently for its next mouthful, while daddy hopped around the yard finding food and chasing other birds away. Adorable! I just wanted to go out there and pick up the baby and hold it in my hands, but I resisted the urge, and just enjoyed watching instead.

A couple hours later I noticed it sitting under a tree in the backyard. As I watched, I discovered the daddy was still nearby, looking for food. It was making a constant trek back and forth to feed not only this baby in the yard, but also his other babies in the nest. The nest, which was snuggled back into the pine tree in the corner of our yard, was so well hidden that it actually couldn't be seen until the daddy went to it. As I watched closely, I saw the movement of other birds in the nest, and actually saw one little mouth open wide to receive what the daddy fed it. The biggest thrill was watching the daddy feed his baby sitting out in the open, under our tree. That little one just sat there for the longest time, waiting for the next bite of food, and then opening his beak wide to receive his food. I must have spent an hour standing at my bedroom wndow watching this amazing sight!

(Yes, Rebecca, I guess I must be a "twitcher", although my husband calls me an ornithologist. I told him, "With a title like that, maybe I should get my doctorate so I could fix up the birds who get injured." Isn't that what "doctors" do?)

Bullock's Oriole

As of yesterday, this little beauty has begun showing up, along with several other of it's family members, to entertain us with their spectacular show of color while we eat lunch. We've only seen them during lunch time, and each time we run to grab the binoculars and camera. Forget lunch! According to my bird book, we are guessing them to be "Bullock's Orioles". (I don't know who Bullock is, but he's got some gorgeous birds!)

Note to reader, Cary (CML Shearings): The blue/purple color you asked about is in the blue spruce trees. I used "auto adjust" in my photo program, and decided that I liked the color adjustment much better than the way my camera captured it. To the right here is how the picture looked before it was "fixed" and cropped.

May Day, May Day!

Well, here we are at the start of a new month--one of my favorites!
It's so beautiful outside now! I wonder why there is the practice of yelling, "MAY DAY MAY DAY!" when a ship or plane is about to go down. That would indicate that on May Day (May 1st) we should feel some horrible sense of impending peril! However, for me, May Day is simply the beginning of a season of beautiful weather and fun in the sun.

This morning I went for an early morning walk to celebrate May Day. There was a bit of chill in the air, but it felt so invigorating that I wondered why I don't get out and do this every morning. (The desire is there, but the flesh is weak, when the bed is warm and comfy.) As I stepped out into the chilly morning air, all of my senses were instantly awake, delighted with the cool freshness of a new day. There was deep pleasure in the memories that suddenly engulfed me--joyful exhilaration in the instant replay of other moments like this when I've experienced such a rush of rejuvenation.

• Going camping and waking up to the chill of early morning...stepping out of the tent into the cool freshness that makes you feel alive--and ready for a hot cup of coffee at the crackling campfire (already started by my husband before I get up).



• Attending women's retreats up in the mountains...walking outside from the dorm or cabins to the dining hall, eagerly anticipating a hot, delicious breakfast, after savoring the briskness of cool mountain air.



• Sleeping out under the stars, in the backyard (as a child)...waking up covered with the dewy dampness of dawn, after being roused by the chirping of the birds.

I smiled as I took a deep breath and looked around me. Not a soul was in sight anywhere. Only the cheerful chirping of the birds penetrated the stillness. And, I was so glad I had followed through on my decision to start going for morning walks.

Want to join me? We could talk on our cell phones as we walk "together."

New Look

It feels like I lost some weight off my head. (And, no, it's not that I finally lost my mind)! It was hair loss--actually a very welcome change. This is my new look, although I probably won't keep up with all the curls. My hairdresser loves to put curls on my head! It's fun for dress-up now and then, but far too much work for every day.

Are you tired? Worn out?

Sometimes life is just too much hassle, and too much weariness! The daily news is full of trouble all over this world, and absolute nonsense in high places! Sometimes I wonder if there is any common sense left in our judges and lawmakers. I just shake my head in disbelief at the decisions that are made by those who determine how our lives should be lived!

Where is wisdom? Where is common sense? Where is justice? Where is the understanding of right and wrong? Where is conscience? Where is morality? Where is decency? Where is truth? Where is human kindness?

We live in a very strange world now. It seems that everyone gets to choose whatever seems right in his/her own eyes, no matter what anyone else thinks, or how it may hurt someone else.

Even I sometimes fail to live up to what I know is right and good. Sometimes I tire of my own weaknesses and failures. I long to be more like Jesus. I've come to realize that the only way for that to happen in my life is to spend time with Him. He desires that even more than I desire it, and He knows how much I need that in order to survive a way-to-busy life, in a way-to-evil world.

I want not to just survive life in this ungodly world of ours, but to be an example of how He wants us to live -- to be a light in a dark place.

This morning during my "quiet time" (the time I set aside every day to meet with God), I found the key to refreshment when my soul is weary. I've read it many times before, but today it jumped right into my lap and made me go "Hmmmm..."

According to the Bible (The Message paraphrase), in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus said,

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Even so, Come Lord Jesus!

Today my heart hurts--a lot, for lots of stuff going on in my world--our world. Why does such sorrow and pain have to be a part of life? Why can't life be just full of fun and good stuff? Why does it have to include such awful, wrong stuff?

Sometimes I've heard people say that life would be so boring without the difficulties, but I disagree. I long for the good life--without crime, without tears and sadness, without injustice, without immorality, without heartbreak, without grief and sorrow, without pain and problems, without handicap and sickness, without evil and wrong.

Basically, I long for Heaven, where we'll see our Creator and Savior, face-to-face--the One who will make all things right and whole, the One who will wipe away all tears, the One who loves us and never fails us, and will continue to do so for all eternity.

Yes, Lord! Come, Lord, Jesus! This child of yours can hardly stand to wait!

Showers of Blessing

The beauty in our days has become rather moist--downright wet! It rained most of last week, and again today. At least we don't suffer from draught. Thanks for the rain, Lord! There's beauty and blessing in the showers also.

We moved our son's fiance into her own apartment (in Portland) over the weekend. I'm sure she is glad to have her own place once again, although we already miss her cheerful presence around here. Our lower level is beginning to look quite a bit emptier than we've seen it since we first moved into this house two and a half years ago.

Today we took a drive back to Vancouver, Washington (our old stompin' grounds) to run an errand for our daughter. We ended up walking around the mall for awhile, and then having supper at a nearby restaurant before heading back home to the Portland, Oregon area. It's always enjoyable to go back to an area once known as "home".

Not much else to report around here. Life is good. We're enjoying the newness of spring as it grows a little more beautiful each week -- already eager for the constant warmth and sunshine of summer.

Of course, we also continue our wait for the outcome to Larry's job situation. It's been wonderful to have him working at home for the last couple of months, and we both wish it would continue until retirement happens. His three-month trial period is about two-thirds over now, and we have no idea what will happen a month from now. Only God knows, and we wait upon Him for that outcome, simply trusting that He has a plan for our lives--a good plan -- a plan for our good, and not for our harm.

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' " (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV)

Beauty in the Days

Life is good, and life is short -- make the most of it!

Don't wait for another day to enjoy it -- start today!

Here in the Pacific Northwest, spring is in full bloom. The flowering trees, bushes, spring bulbs and lots of other flowers are parading all their glorious colors. The trees are already showing off their new leaves, or at least budded out with new baby sprouts. The grass is thick and needing to be mowed a couple of times every week. Today the sunshine was bright and warm (warm enough for summer clothes), and tomorrow promises to be even warmer. I couldn't resist opening all the windows to let the house breathe in the fragrant freshness of spring. Plus, I enjoyed walking around outside barefoot and sleeveless to get my own share of that newness of spring. Truly delightful!

It reminds me of the year (1997) we moved here from California. I thought, "What's all this nonsense I keep hearing about non-stop rain? It's gorgeous here!" Of course, I soon learned that it was an exceptional season of very unusual weather for this part of the country. Now, ten years later, it's exceptional again, and I'm lovin' it! (Maybe our soon-to-be daughter-in-law brought it with her from Southern California.)

It gives me the urge to spend all of my time outside. Forget the housework! Soak up the sunshine while it's here!

Yup, life is good, and life is short -- make the most of it!
Don't wait for another day to enjoy it -- start today!

April Fool's Day!

Home again! We were in Montana all last week (since Saturday, March 24th), visiting with family and friends. It was wonderful! We arrived back home on Saturday evening, March 31st, to greet our son and soon-to-be new daughter-in-law Patti, who is now living with us until an apartment is found.

No, this is not an April Fool's joke! This is truly a dream come true for all of us! Jim and Patti have been friends since college days, many years ago (about 15 years or so), attending the same university and church in Long Beach, California. But, it was only about two years ago that they decided to try dating each other--long distance! Up until this weekend, Patti lived in San Diego, California, and Jim lived here in the Portland, Oregon area. So, for them, this dream has been in the making for a very long time!

It's hard to believe she's finally here, and we're so glad to finally have her with us. She starts her new job tomorrow (Monday), and will live with us for a little while. We've just finished pouring over maps to help her find her way to work tomorrow.

A new week has begun; a new month has begun; a new quarter of this year has begun; and a new adventure in life has begun. Now, I'm ready to go to bed, and get a fresh new start in the morning.

So much is happening in our lives in this new year!
Thanks, Lord, that You are in control of all of it!